Eavesdropper?

Their computers are better than yours

You probably think that your desktop computer or laptop is very functional and efficient. News flash: you’re wrong. What can your computer do? Does it know what you’re thinking right now? Can it type it out, print immediately and send to your friend in Alaska or Iceland? How much did your computer even cost you? But hold on to your thoughts there while your tataafo brings you up to speed on a very pressing matter.

Eavesdropper is not glad to inform you that your Ministry of Knowledge Affairs wants to buy desktop computers for a whopping 2 million of your naira and kobo each. Yes, you heard right. It is rumoured that the computers can know what you’re thinking, what you intend to do tomorrow and your aspirations. It is even said that the computers can print out your thoughts while mailing them to as many as 100 e-mail addresses, by just imagining it. Yes, all at the same time. People even say that the computers can self-repair when they are faulty.

Also, the ministry that claims it’s working, is also planning to get computers for one million of your naira and kobo each. These computers can also know your thoughts but can’t type them out. The truth is that your tataafo believes the rumours about what these computers can do. And don’t blame eavesdropper, if our government offices can budget such amounts for desktop computers, then they have to be super-computers that are better than yours. Abi, what other explanation is there for planning to buy a computer for two million of our naira and kobo? So believe when eavesdropper says ‘their computers are better than yours’.

 The Almighty Triple S is missing

Please a bunch of tough-looking guys in suit have been declared missing and we are looking for them. The last we heard about them was about two weeks ago when they invited a notorious sweeper for spewing beans. But since then, nothing has been heard about the bunch. When this week, a South-South thug spewed rotten beans and threatened the whole nation, the Almighty Triple S was nowhere to be found. Please if you find these dark suits where they are hiding, tell them that their attention is needed again. And let them know that what is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander.

 The garden boot-licker

It is obvious that oga in black was not amused by the recent sycophancy from his junior officer stationed in the garden as news reaching eavesdropper suggests. You remember that the officer publicly displayed his boot-licking skills on the pages of the newspaper. He placed newspaper adverts congratulating his oga in black, but none of that seemed to matter as the officer will be leaving his station very soon. But let’s not forget that the officer has served Mama Nation well, so eavesdropper won’t be surprised if boot-licker gets a juicier position soon.

 Party changes bottle

The sweepers are in a happy mood after hiring a new big sweeper into their fold. The new sweeper is joining many other sweepers who have swapped the tattered umbrella for a broom. Indeed, this appears to be a good time for the sweepers. But is it? Eavesdropper remembers the story of a bottle of poison, which made members of a family uncomfortable. So the poisonous content of the bottle was poured into another container that says ‘refreshing soda’. Well, the youngest member of the family who came upon the new container took the content and died. Well, the moral of the story is that only the bottle changed, the content did not. Therefore, eavesdropper thinks that a container that reads ‘poisonous content’ and contains poison is better than one that advertises soda, but contains toxin. The new oga sweeper has told about how he abandoned the umbrella because of the perversions of its carriers, but we are not so forgetful. The reputation of the new hands hired by the sweepers is also known to us and we have kept it in the hand that we don’t eat with.